By: WH Angel

Characters:

GENERAL CHICK,  leader of the Chicks; recently promoted over MAJOR CHICK

MAJOR CHICK,  subordinate;  disgruntled that GENERAL CHICK got promoted over him

TECHIE CHICK,  computer geek;  an infiltrator from the bunnies;  bunny in chicks clothing

NAVAGATOR CHICK,  drives the giant chicken;  off-stage

SOLDIER CHICKS,  pillow fodder;  new recruits;  green

SCENE:  The scene opens up inside a giant, chocolate-covered graham cracker chicken.  On one side are panels of computer displays.  In the front is a platform.  This is where we find GENERAL CHICK.  GENERAL CHICK is addressing his troops on the upcoming battle.  The SOLDIER CHICKS are listening carefully.  TECHIE CHICK is off to the side trying to hack into the enemy’s systems.  MAJOR CHICK is at the front of the gathered troops.  MAJOR CHICK  is upset that GENERAL CHICK got promoted over him.  GENERAL CHICK doesn’t seem to understand that many of the SOLDIER CHICKS are new recruits.  MAJOR CHICK understands and argues with GENERAL CHICK about it.

GENERAL CHICK (pacing in front of the troops):  All right ladies, listen up.  We’re in for a big fight.  None of you are to bunny out and run away.

MAJOR CHICK (under breath):  GENERAL, we would never do that.

GENERAL CHICK:  Quiet, MAJOR.  Our plan is to take down their security systems and get this chicken as close to the bunny’s base as possible.  It will be up to you boys to take out the extra defenses.

SOLDIER CHICKS (some looking nervous yet brave):  Yes Sir!!!

GENRAL CHICK walks  over to TECHIE CHICK.  TECHIE CHICK looks like a complete nerd.  He has the taped up glasses and the Urkel pants, but it was all a ploy to get them to trust him.  All chicks knew that you don’t trust the elite force of computer hackers.

GENERAL CHICK (in a gruff voice):  How’s that computer stuff coming along?  Are their systems going to be down once we get there?

TECHIE CHICK (in a whiney/nerdy voice):  Um…I almost have it, Sir.  Just a few more minutes and their systems will be down.  (looks around with shifty eyes and a smirk)  They won’t know what hit them.

GENERAL CHICK:  Good….that’s just what we want.

GENERAL CHICK walks over to MAJOR CHICK  to confer on the plan.  As they do, the SOLDIERS talk among themselves, trying to bolster each other.

GENERAL CHICK:  So, what’s bothering you?  This plan has been in discussion for weeks.  Now’s our time to show those bunnies that we’re number one; that people like us more.  I mean they’re pink!  What kind of color is that?  I’ll tell you what kind.  It’s a wussy color.  It’s one that shows weakness.  Yellow, on the other hand, shows power and determination.

MAJOR CHICK (looking worried):  I know that, Sir.  It’s just that most of our troops are green.  They might not hold up in battle.

GENERAL CHICK:  That’s why I’m giving them a morale speech.  Besides, the fighting will be too heavy for any of them to run away.

MAJOR CHICK:  This might be true, but some of them don’t even know how to work their pillow guns that well!

GENERAL CHICK: This may be true, but they’re all we got.  Most of the rest are either sick or wounded.  This resistance has taken a toll on us.  Who knew that the bunnies could get so many troops so fast?!  It’s like they’re in hyper production of troops.  Don’t worry though, Major.  We’ll come out on top and these green recruits will learn what it’s really like to fight for a good cause.

MAJOR CHICK (looking a bit relieved):  Yes, Sir.  That they will.

From the side they hear a wail of disbelief.  Both GENERAL CHICK and MAJOR CHICK rush in the direction it comes from.  They find TECHIE CHICK shaking his head and mumbling.  MAJOR CHICK stands and listens to the conversation.

TECHIE CHICK (mumbling):  How could they?  How could they?  Why didn’t I think of that?

GENERAL CHICK (frantically):  What?  What happened?

TECHIE CHICK (still mumbling):  I’m so idiotic for not thinking that.  I should’ve known that they would have a defense like that!

GENERAL CHICK (shakes TECHIE CHICK):  Get it together, man!  What happened?

TECHIE CHICK (finally realizes the GENERAL is talking to him):  Our system crashed, Sir!  Their last defense against hacking is a virus that caused our systems to crash.

GENERAL CHICK (looking confused): In laymen’s terms?

TECHIE CHICK:  It means that we’re dead in the water, Sir.  We weren’t able to take out they’re security systems.

NAVIGATOR CHICK (talking over the intercom from off-stage):  Uh….Sir?

GENERAL CHICK: Yes?

NAVIGATOR CHICK:  Sir….we’re not moving anymore.

GENERAL CHICK (looking frustrated):  (to NAVIGATOR CHICK over the intercom) All right…we’re working on it.  (to TECHIE CHICK) How long will it take to get our systems back up and running?

TECHIE CHICK:  Um…I’m not sure if we can, Sir.  If it’s possible, it’ll take at least two hours, if not more.

GENERAL CHICK:  We don’t have two hours!

TECHIE CHICK:  I know this, Sir, but there isn’t much that can be done, unless you want to go in with their systems still on.

GENERAL CHICK:  Are there any back-up systems?

TECHIE CHICK:  We’re working on them now, Sir, but they’re not the best.  We might be able to have some of their defensive systems offline by the time we reach the top, but a few of the major ones will still be online.

GENERAL CHICK:  All right.  I guess we’ll have to deal with that.  You just keep on working on getting them all offline as fast as possible.

TECHIE CHICK:  Yes, Sir!

TECHIE CHICK goes back to working on the computer while GENERAL CHICK AND MAJOR CHICK discuss what to tell the troops.  They are talking in whispers.

GENERAL CHICK:  All right, MAJOR…it appears that we have a problem.  Apparently not all of the enemy’s defensive systems will be offline by the time we get there.  We are still going ahead with the plan though.

MAJOR CHICK:  You sure we should do that Sir?  I mean, some of the men will bunny out once they figure out that the defenses are still on.

GENERAL CHICK:  That’s why we don’t let them find out.

MAJOR CHICK:  And how do we do that Sir?  They’re going to find out once they go into battle.  They’re going to get hit with the chocolate and flames!  It’s going to be horrible!  Melted marshmallows everywhere.

GENERAL CHICK:  It’s not going to be that bad MAJOR.  TECHIE said that he could get half of the defenses offline.  I’m going to tell the men to just be ready for the battle and that they’ll be fine.

MAJOR CHICK:  All right GENERAL.

GENERAL CHICK:  That’s more like.  Now get back to your position.

MAJOR CHICK:  Yes Sir!

As MAJOR CHICK resumes his position with the troops, GENERAL CHICK makes his way to the platform.  On his way there, TECHIE CHICK informs him that most of the bunny’s defenses are offline.  GENERAL CHICK addresses his troops.

GENERAL CHICK:  All right ladies, the battle is upon us.  You will defeat these bunnies and we shall be victorious this day.  Now it’s time to get into battle positions and ready your pillow guns.

SOLDIER CHICKS:  Yes Sir! (they salute)

The scene ends with the Chicks waiting impatiently to reach the enemy’s base.  Once there, we hear the sounds of battle.

ALL:  Viva Le Peep!

As they rush the door, they all slam into it.

NAVIGATOR CHICK (sounding sheepish from off-stage):  Uh…Sorry ‘bout that Sir.  You should be able to deploy now.

The chicks rush out the door yelling “Viva Le Peep!”  and the battle begins. 

Scene Ends.